Comedy License Holder Gifts

"This is an insult to everyone who carpools."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"His first out-of-body experience."

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Skiing.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Dog Walking Services

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

"I need to tinkle."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Stand-up Romcom

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Deer Season Open.

More Reasons To Beware Of Dog