Comedy Fool Gifts

'Hopkins!' Guard is shouted at after falling asleep between the breasts of a statue.

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Bond James, Bond."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Showbiz Awards

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Why do they do that?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

The first car accident.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.