Comedy Cone Gifts

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Dog wearing a cone

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Rattlecornsnake

'No need to shout.'

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

'You see?! These cones may keep us from licking ourselves, but they really enhance our sense of smell.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"

"If you need something stronger we can bring out the defibrillator."

Golf cheerleaders.

'How often does he go on line?'

Stirrbucks

"And that's why you shouldn't sneeze into your mask."

'I've been trying to buy a condo in Vancouver! They say that real estate prices are going through the roof! At least that's how my agent explained the hole in the ceiling.'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

Before settling on knives, the Swiss army tried lots of things... like this banana with tweezers and a corkscrew.

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

'Where are we dumping the sludge?'

"Boy, am I hungry! What's for dinner, dear?"

Highway cone tepee.

"Really? You're going to use that to catch candy?"

"You're right, you can hear the ocean."

"They say I get 152 channels."