Comedy Cone T-Shirts

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

Dog wearing a cone

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Rattlecornsnake

'No need to shout.'

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"If you need something stronger we can bring out the defibrillator."

Golf cheerleaders.

'How often does he go on line?'

Stirrbucks

Before settling on knives, the Swiss army tried lots of things... like this banana with tweezers and a corkscrew.

"And that's why you shouldn't sneeze into your mask."

'I've been trying to buy a condo in Vancouver! They say that real estate prices are going through the roof! At least that's how my agent explained the hole in the ceiling.'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

"You're right, you can hear the ocean."

"Really? You're going to use that to catch candy?"

Highway cone tepee.

"Boy, am I hungry! What's for dinner, dear?"

'Where are we dumping the sludge?'

'We have got to put someone else in charge of the vending machine change bow.'

"They say I get 152 channels."