Comedy Coach Gifts

'If he was still alive, he would be turning in his grave. . .'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Play it again, Sam.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

“I know you’re really busy right now, but when you have a chance I’d love to pick your brain about how you got to where you are today.”

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'Very funny!'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

Alphabet soup

Donald Glover

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I hope you've had as much fun training me as I've had being trained."

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

'You're just making it harder on yourself, Dirkwood! You're being relieved! Step off the mound! ... He's not budging...'

'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

Just a month into their divorce, Joyce began to sense that she and Ron were subtly competing for their kids' affection.

Dueling Glue Guns: Glue unto Others as you would have them glue unto you.

"Why do you keep saying MY pride is going to get the best of me?"

Golden Egg.

'Now this time, just for the heck of it, try releasing that sucker a little sooner,'

'Did I lie on my resume? Absolutely not!'

'Guess what, Squaw? Me finally teach Running Dog to fetch my moccasins.'