Comedy Coach T-Shirts

'If he was still alive, he would be turning in his grave. . .'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

'Play it again, Sam.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

“I know you’re really busy right now, but when you have a chance I’d love to pick your brain about how you got to where you are today.”

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'Very funny!'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Alphabet soup

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"I hope you've had as much fun training me as I've had being trained."

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'You're just making it harder on yourself, Dirkwood! You're being relieved! Step off the mound! ... He's not budging...'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

Dueling Glue Guns: Glue unto Others as you would have them glue unto you.

'Now this time, just for the heck of it, try releasing that sucker a little sooner,'

'Did I lie on my resume? Absolutely not!'

'Guess what, Squaw? Me finally teach Running Dog to fetch my moccasins.'

"I didn't want to tell you like this, but I'm going solo..."

'I'm taking you off the javelin - you throw it way too high!'