Comedy Champion T-Shirts

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

"I thought the employment agency said it was a job in a sweet shop."

"Why do you keep saying MY pride is going to get the best of me?"

Side effects? They were great.

Graham Norton

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

'I'm taking you off the javelin - you throw it way too high!'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'Play it again, Sam.'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

Donald Glover

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

'Oh, and if a Farmer John calls, I'm not here.'

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'You're just making it harder on yourself, Dirkwood! You're being relieved! Step off the mound! ... He's not budging...'

"Operation Warp Speed complete!"

Tug the Toggle

Just a month into their divorce, Joyce began to sense that she and Ron were subtly competing for their kids' affection.

Javelin

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

Mom! Billy's censoring me!

Golden Egg.

You wanted to see me about my attitude?

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

Heimlich's other lesser known maneuver.

'We've won a free trip to the mountains.'

"I didn't want to tell you like this, but I'm going solo..."

The Pole Jumper.

"Shall I fry it or flush it?"

"This is a wax job if I've ever seen one!"