Comedy Champion T-Shirts

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

"I thought the employment agency said it was a job in a sweet shop."

Side effects? They were great.

Graham Norton

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

'I'm taking you off the javelin - you throw it way too high!'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'Play it again, Sam.'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

'Oh, and if a Farmer John calls, I'm not here.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

Tug the Toggle

"Operation Warp Speed complete!"

'You're just making it harder on yourself, Dirkwood! You're being relieved! Step off the mound! ... He's not budging...'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

Mom! Billy's censoring me!

Javelin

You wanted to see me about my attitude?

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

The Pole Jumper.

"I didn't want to tell you like this, but I'm going solo..."

"Shall I fry it or flush it?"

'We've won a free trip to the mountains.'

"I missed the meeting on employee theft. What was the takeaway?"

'Little more work needed on your braking Mr Smith!'

'You've hit the bull.'

Apples and Oranges Shoot-Out

"We've really come up with something, but nine other labs also came up with it this week."

"What? You got something funny to say?"