Contest Comedian T-Shirts

Maybe we should do a big check next time. Sweepstak … 5 five.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Gary turns 40.

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

'Mummy, Mummy, I've been practising the whole afternoon: Wanna hear my evil laugh?'

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.