Comedy Buffer Pillows

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Backfire

"Bloody hell!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Is there a vegan option?"

Cat Hecklers

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Beware of the frog"

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'It would never work out, Blackfire — our alignments are too different.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Bird about to dive from diving board into birdbath

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

Trump and the Gender Inclusive Restroom

Miami Mice

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

Pyjamas - Party, Sleep and Dawn Raid.

'Okay, I'm going to make the phone ring just once, and I want you to refrain from picking up. Bite the towel if you have to.

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'

'Sexy...I love what you're doing with your ears.'

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."