Comedy Astronaut Gifts

"We come to visit you from the before time."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Save Our Universe

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

'That must be the guy from corporate.'

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

Moon's Portaloo.

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

Black Hole Corks

'OK, who stuck that wedding confetti star on it?'

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

"What's wrong with this telescope? I can't see a blasted thing."

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

'It's Howard Schultz calling. Does newly discovered planet Kepler 186F have an atmosphere suitable for a starbucks.'

Actually, I think you looked better with Atlantis.

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

Spaceman serving shrimp.

First space criminal investigation

'Well yes, they sent me into space: But to be perfectly honest, I had no idea as to what was going on...'

Stand up comedians from outer space.

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'