Comedically Inclined Homemakers Gifts

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"What fly?"

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

The result of taking too much soda to correct acidity

Romance over the iron boards

"Thank goodness I'm only renting."

Statue of a housewife.

"Another unpaid nightshift! Please tell me you at least secured the video rights?"

You can't have everything darling, where would you put it?

The Big Nosh