Comedically Frustrated Dater Pillows

'I'm sorry, sir, but we keep getting error messages.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'You must be Olivia.'

Nethead strip: Dates

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'