Comedically Frustrated Dater Pillows

'I'm sorry, sir, but we keep getting error messages.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"So tell me again where you're from."

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Nethead strip: Dates