Comedically Chaotic Parent Pillows

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"Where's your nose?"

Two children play with a pedal bin

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

They Removed my Brain.

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

Inside voice!

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'