Comedic Situations Admirer Pillows

Receptionist takes managing director a cup of coffee/tea, finds him having sex with someone, leaves, then comes back with two cups of coffee/tea.

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Previously on..."

Knife-thrower.

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

Writing about scientific progress in 1675, Isaac Newton said " If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." This metaphor is now commonly used to make the point that scientific advances are made using a foundation built by the work of those who came before. That Newton guy was right, you can see further when you're on the shoulders of Giants. I just wonder if he was talking about the players from the football Giants or the baseball Giants. Ernie is a much bigger fan

Giraffe Car.

'Dude! Quick! Jump in! We've got to balance the load!'

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

'Great team. Brilliant coach. No ball handler...'

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

Jungle explorers face giant hairball.

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

Look who's headed this way. It's Darlene. How do I look? Desperate and pathetic. She's engaged. She's not interested. You've got to move on. No way, she has to be here for a reason. This won't go well. One coffee to go. I do.

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

Man with a nail in his hammer

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

"Me, after years of begging, I was finally allowed into the house yesterday. You know what, it was kind of a letdown..."

'Gesundheit!'

'Aaaaah' 'Helpline's busy can you hold.'

'The bad news is you've swallowed a bunch of those little, green plastic army soldiers. The good news is they all ended up in your GI tract.'

Fun run vs pitbull parade

Shop worker thinks lady asks him if he has hemorrhoids when she asks for Altoids (mints).

'Dad, what are you doing in sex education class?'

'Mr. Beegley will see you briefly.'

'Is that you, George?'

"Gary's reputation as the hard man of the estate never recovered from friends finding out that his girlfriend called him 'snuggly bear'."