Comedic Rivalry Appreciator Pillows

"You never laugh at my jokes."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

"You should always stretch before engaging in strenuous activity."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

Once again, Daisy had won the 'Employee of the Month' award...'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

Searching for condom.

The evolution of triathletes.

No caption (A ball boy crouches by the net on a ping pong table as a game is being played).

We never go out anymore.

"We never had a 'last conversation,' but if we had, you’d have lost."

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

The Club Singles Duel.

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"

'What do you think? Surge or escalation?'

Donuts. Pastries. Danish. Cookies. I'm breaking my diet resolution, but on the other hand I'm keeping my resolution to visit old friends!

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

"Why are you using your phone during the match?"

'Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.'

"Don't you worry about the dangers of spreading germs?"

"I shaved with detergent, did the dishes with shaving cream and showered with dishwasher soap. It all came out the same."

'Okay guys, paper already beat these guys, and we beat paper last week. . .'

'Hooray! A Christmas miracle! I suddenly went blind an can't see that mistletoe above your head!'

"Scruffy? I'm not scruffy! I'm natural!"

World Ping-Pong Federation.

'How were we to know oil would run out? We only sell the stuff.'

'Say you're sorry and promise to give him a rossette.

Don't mind him, I'm incredibly famous and he is my fan