Comedic Critique Appreciator Pillows

"I shaved with detergent, did the dishes with shaving cream and showered with dishwasher soap. It all came out the same."

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Final words on gravestones.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

Pop up begger.

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"How dare you not salute the goddess? You'll burn at the stake for this, damn heretic!"

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"I just love your use of lying"

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

Safety Pin

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Fat Cats and Dogs

"You in there! This is the Microsoft Police. Throw out your books and come out with your hands up."

Two women are hosting a radio show called Ask Sadie.

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."

End of the Pier Show