Comedic Critique Appreciator Pillows

"I shaved with detergent, did the dishes with shaving cream and showered with dishwasher soap. It all came out the same."

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Final words on gravestones.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"How dare you not salute the goddess? You'll burn at the stake for this, damn heretic!"

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"I just love your use of lying"

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

Safety Pin

Two women are hosting a radio show called Ask Sadie.

Robot Bores

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."

"We've got kind of a noir thing happening here, Manny. The girlie cigarette doesn't exactly add."

End of the Pier Show

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'