Comedic Critiquer Pillows

Extended warranty on the sales guy.

"Your resume said you were fat."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Pop up begger.