Comedic Procrastinator Gifts

Ready for winter, not quite ready for life.

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

'1001 things to do whilst waiting to get on the internet.'

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'What do you mean we can't finish on time? Do you want history to say that Rome wasn't built in a day?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

"Shouldn't you be studying?

Invaders from Planet Manava.

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

"Get dressed and sculpt something already."

The Last-Minute Halloween Costume Parade

'I would have had these reports done sooner, but someone rolled a ball with a bell inside it into my cubicle.'

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

"How about fashionably never?"

'It's almost time to get the cross-country skis out and dust them off.'

"Thanks for coming in on the weekend....although let's admit it, you took a nap at your desk that happened to last all night..."

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

"A 15 page 'to do' list is a 'don't do' list."

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

Desk bins: 'Action' 'Action-Worthy' 'Action-ific'... 'Actually Done' (Nothing).