Comedic Parenting Saga Fans Gifts

'The child is very illogical'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"Time for bed, guys."

Therapy for babies.

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

"Michael, do your dinner."

They Removed my Brain.

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

'My mom invented baths!'

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"He started teething this morning."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

"This dog has wheels!"

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

"Could you please put my Mom on your no call list?"

"My mom said she wishes when I grow up I have a kid just like me. It just occurred to me that she didn't mean that as a compliment."

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'