Comedic Family Moments Fan Gifts

'Are we nearly ready for a family argument yet, dad?'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Suffering from Cooties?

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'Your mother makes a wonderful spoiler.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

'He's allergic to talc! You'll have to give up the baby!'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"No, William. This is your new little brother, Christopher. Not William 2.0."

Thank you for visiting us again Son... Can I still call you Son? You are so handsome now...

"Look, honey. The baby has your height."

I'm starting to think I was adopted.

"Everyone relax. I've just downloaded the 'Find-Your-Remote' app."

I'm sorry, ma'am, but there was a mix-up at the hospital, and we think you brought home the wrong husband.

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

'...Just like Daddy!'

'Please Mike! Not in front of the children.'