Comedic Mischief-maker Pillows

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Newt sale

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

'How was your day Ma?. . .'

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

Occupational Hazards.

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

God creates humans.

'You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. . .!'

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

Mozart swimming.

"I'm in the national team...not because I'm a good player, but because everybody panics when I start singing the anthem!"

Timpani for the devil

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'All right, who broketh the window!'

Frankie the discount genie

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

A trap for Santa