Comedic Mischief-maker Pillows

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Newt sale

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

'How was your day Ma?. . .'

It's sure been easier to mess around at work since we decided to bell the boss.

Occupational Hazards.

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. . .!'

God creates humans.

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

"I'm in the national team...not because I'm a good player, but because everybody panics when I start singing the anthem!"

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

Timpani for the devil

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Mozart swimming.

'All right, who broketh the window!'

A trap for Santa

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"What about this: we steal from the rich and give it to political action committees?"

Frankie the discount genie

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'