Comedic Massage Enthusiast Gifts

A special gift for Valentine...'A Canadian massage...wonder what that is...'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

Couples Massage

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"Shoulder work ahead"

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Dad Dancing.

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

'Now THAT'S a massage!'

Never wear running shoes with a jogging suit.

"It's finally fur coat weather."

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

"Just a belly rub today, Kitten."

"I like having my head scratched but what I really love is deep tissue massage."

"Basically, the job is hands on training."

Cat in bandages.