Comedic Family Guardian Gifts

Overprotective Father

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Diving Cat.

"Beware of God"

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

'He's lookin' at me!'

"Thanks for the painkiller mum, but how does it know which leg to go down?"

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

"On the other hand, Timmy. Fear of failure has kept daddy from ever being seriously injured."

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

Smiling at people who make stupid noises, wearing diapers, crying at least 8 times a night, getting cuddled by wrinkled grandparents... Man, being a baby is the World's hardest job!

"Here's your support, Dad, and here's mine."

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

Safety is about FAMILY!...

"Freeze, or I'll mop the floor with you!"

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

Pay Now . . . or Pay Later.

"You bring the tequila, and I'll bring the Lyme."

'Weaning is a bit like a divorce, but mum always gets custody of me.'

'My parents are having a fight right now.'

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

"Mom said to make sure you don't goof up shopping online."

Free Range Cow

"Can I see your pilot's license? My teacher said you're a helicopter parent."

"He's still there. Try adding an angry face emoji."

PETA

'Oh, I see. So, you thought you'd come and pass your nasty germs on to me?!'