Comedic Family Dynamics Pillows

'C'mon, Dad, let me borrow it. I'll be careful. I won't scratch it. What harm can come to a credit card?'

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

They Removed my Brain.

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

Overprotective Father

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

'And this is the person who will feed you, clothe you and pay for your education.'

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"

"On the other hand, Timmy. Fear of failure has kept daddy from ever being seriously injured."

"I ate something that strongly disagreed with me!"

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

Meals on Heels.

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'He has so much stuff, toys and gadgets so now we punish him by sending him to our room.'

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

"Dad, tell me about the birds and the bees and safeguards."

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

'I think you may have over done the pelvic floor exercise!'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'