Comedic Conundrum Fan T-Shirts

'Well you said you were hot, so should I turn the fan on or not?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Cristoph Willibald Gluck 2nd July 1714

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

Knife-thrower.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Okay, if I can't use my last wish to wish for another three wishes, can I wish that I find another magic lamp?"

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"Any luck"

Scuba Skater

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

"Boy! That Harvey will do ANYTHING to be the center of attention, won't he?"

How come nothing good ever happens to me? Like what? Like getting taken by a foreign government then rescued. I want to get a book contract, to be part of the news cycle, to have him talk about me. Whom? Speak my name, Anderson Cooper! The great one.

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"Well, of course you have a heart."

LARGE FRONT

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

Eskimo in Igloo

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

'Know what? I don't feel drafts anymore.'

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."