Comedic Conundrum Lover T-Shirts

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'OK, pal, you've called me a little shrimp for the last time - let's see what you're made of!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

Eskimo in Igloo

'And, if elected, I promise to reach across the aisle, if you know what I mean...'

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

"He won't get far without this!"

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

'This is what happens when you try to blow out that many candles.'

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."

"Of course, at present Mademoiselle's neck is too long, but our Mr. Francis is going to change all that."

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.