Comedic Contrasts Pillows

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Is there anybody there?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Boyfriend of the Month.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Whiskey wars

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

"How dare you not salute the goddess? You'll burn at the stake for this, damn heretic!"

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Safety Pin

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

Two women are hosting a radio show called Ask Sadie.

End of the Pier Show

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."