Comedic Contradiction Pillows

Whiskey wars

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Japanese woman in minimalist house reads 'How to Clutter Your Life'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

Pessimists v Optimists.

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

The Nihilist Deli.

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

Pop up begger.

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'