Comedic Chaos Seeker Gifts

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

"What do you mean, 'has your lesson started yet'?... I thought you were the driving instructor!"

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

Pirate Paddle Boat.

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

How cats see their home

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

'Until you remember where you put the ladder, be quiet!'

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."

'An optician was having a closing down sale...I got the last pair!'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'