Comedic Cardiovascular Buff Gifts

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Jeff was watching his weight.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

For a few dollars more, we can get a suite. Spaghetti Westin.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"Complaining empowers us."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

Man fights with his shadow.

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

No caption (A ball boy crouches by the net on a ping pong table as a game is being played).

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

The evolution of triathletes.

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

Eskimo in Igloo

Golf Ball in Nest.

"Baldo, this is Humberto...he moved to the United States last month?"

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

Figure Skating: Dee Thumble,

'This is what happens when you try to blow out that many candles.'

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."