Comedic Cardiovascular Buff Pillows

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Jeff was watching his weight.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Complaining empowers us."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

Man fights with his shadow.

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

Eskimo in Igloo

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

Golf Ball in Nest.

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."