Comedic Health Buff Gifts

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

So, have you had this 'human flu' yet?

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

"Can't talk now. Cramming for tomorrow's stress test."

Zika Mosquitos

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

Vaccinating the Easter Bunny

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

'It's some sort of side effect of swine flu!'

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

Flying Ear Specialist

This guy smells like he just got the Covid vaccine. Do you think it's safe to bite him?

'Gasp! Wheez! Nobody told me that once you have a heart you also need cardio!'

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."

'Breath in,Miss Benson...breath in!'

Weight Watchers 'Rona Routines: Flatten the Curves

'What a year! No sooner do I get rid of one cod than, somehow or other, I catch another one.'

"Yes, this is the wait room. But it's not for exercising."

Plastic surgeon - 'Cancel all my other appointments,please.'

With Friends Like These