Comedic Health Skeptic Gifts

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?