Comedic Healthcare Critic Gifts

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."