Humorous Healthcare Critics Gifts

We use all the latest painless procedures, so now a visit only hurts at the end when you get the bill.

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

The GPC has written to ministers about how children can be more involved with the NHS

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."