Comedic Caller Gifts

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

"I know t's tech-support, but, for two fifty a minute, I expect you to talk dirty."

At the beep, please tell us what you're calling about. Beep. I'm calling because I have a beep fetish. What are you wearing?

So sorry, I dialled the wrong number. I dialled my salary by mistake.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

No Instruments Please

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Cold caller.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

Jumble Sale

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Rollercoaster police chase.

Fisherman Funneral

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

'I thought I told you not to play 'foreclosure eviction' with your sister's doll house!'

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

Choir wearing masks.

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'