Comedic Banter Fans Gifts

Draw

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'A cheeky red?'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"Don't go in there!!"

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Yakety-Yak

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

The first case of resume padding.

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'