Comedic Banter Fan Gifts

Look at you. The vacant stare

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"I run around this high school track every morning."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Boxers vs. Briefs

No wonder kickboxing seems so hard.

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

Pisa and sons.

Knife-thrower.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

Watering rooftop lawn floods building.

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"I'm so disappointed, because I thought it was a new C&A."

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."