Comedic Appreciators Gifts

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

"Scruffy? I'm not scruffy! I'm natural!"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Shakespeare Quote

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

Disease-y Top

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

The Clueless Diver

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Emile Zola takes a morning J'acuzzi.

North Pole.

Three tailors block the street, forcing a passerby into their shop.

"Cough"

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

'Lightening hit the band shell while the orchestra was playing...'

'Are you sure this is just a mirage we're crawling through?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'..the sound of no hands clapping...'

"The Doge ate my homework."

'Hey, this is not exactly what I had in mind when I paid for this Mystery Tour...'

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"It's my emotional support animal."