Comedy Appreciators Gifts

"No, this is correct - you're both in 28-B. We no longer offer individual seats."

'Mommy and daddy asked me to give you this sick note. They can't make it tonight.'

"There's wicked, and then there's just plain mean."

'Are you sure this is just a mirage we're crawling through?'

Emile Zola takes a morning J'acuzzi.

"Nothing to be ashamed of, you know, after all, we're primates."

'Our first order of business is that we need to elect a president and a vice president!'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'When you promised to put our daughter on a pedestal we expected something more romantic.'

Shakespeare Quote

'Lightening hit the band shell while the orchestra was playing...'

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

Man donating to a musician is arrested for littering.

'Once upon a time, there were two humans...now there are over five billion of them.'

'Hey, this is not exactly what I had in mind when I paid for this Mystery Tour...'

Falling rock stars.

Busker singing 'I Lost That Loving Feeling' outside an infertility clinic.

"I said just a Little Off the top!"

'He kept having a pop at me and I just snapped!' (Snap, crackle & pop characters).

'They still call me 'King of the Jungle' but the reality is that everything is run by committees these days...'

"I'll kill you if you keep repeating 'I feel like a fish in water'!"

'Never thought I'd miss elevator music.'

Man losing his dog dog a drain

"I'm a kind of p**n actor, only I get paid to keep my clothes on."

"Oh, man! Why did I climb this stupid tree? Now I'm stuck and here comes Sylvia Sanchez, the prettiest girl in school."

"It's my emotional support animal."

"All of your offices have your names on the door, so let's cut out the peeing and get to work."

"Is that your phone buzzing?"

"No, nothing wrong. Just helps me focus on what's important."

"I see you being part of someones bucket list. . .Do you know a 'Colonel Sanders?'"

'You're imaginary! Stop being here!

"Why do I always get stuck at the Kids' Round Table?"

"Bill, see if you can find water. Tony, see if you can find food. Roger, see if you can hit things really far with a stick."

"I hear someone here like The Spider Man..."

The Clueless Diver