Comedic Academic Pillows

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Monkey Business College

Surveying and statistics sections in a Library.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Pop up begger.

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"