Comedic Student Pillows

'You have to stay after school because you got caught in the hall without a pass? But you're homeschooled!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Monkey Business College

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

Romulus (left) and Remus

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Flatulence in space...

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

When psychiatry works too well!

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

'I ran out of excuses. My teacher taught us how to back up our homework on our computers.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'I just can't keep up with all this modern technology.'

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

Remedial test taking 101: I ain't got no pencil!.

20 Volts for Wavy Hair, 50 Volts for Frizzy Hair, 100 Volts for Curly Hair and 500 Volts for Hair beyond description.

Spider Facts.

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'