Comedic Education Enthusiast Pillows

'I know I failed all the tests and never handed in any finished assignments. So what's your point?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

Zoo: No Hunting.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Monkey Business College

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

Flatulence in space...

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Tree growing

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"Where do you see yourself 5 years ago?"

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

'I ran out of excuses. My teacher taught us how to back up our homework on our computers.'

"I have an existential dread of falling off your couch."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."