Comedic Student T-Shirts

'You have to stay after school because you got caught in the hall without a pass? But you're homeschooled!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

Monkey Business College

Romulus (left) and Remus

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Flatulence in space...

When psychiatry works too well!

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'I ran out of excuses. My teacher taught us how to back up our homework on our computers.'

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'I just can't keep up with all this modern technology.'

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

Remedial test taking 101: I ain't got no pencil!.

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"My father tried to help me tell time, Mrs. Davis, but I couldn't tell which of my hands was bigger to show the hour!"

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

20 Volts for Wavy Hair, 50 Volts for Frizzy Hair, 100 Volts for Curly Hair and 500 Volts for Hair beyond description.