Comedians In The Making Pillows

"We're going to use the 6.4 million pounds to purchase a terraced in a run down area of Huddersfield."

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Three more years of high school."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

Woody Allen

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.