Comedians In The Making Gifts

Occu-Pie Mars

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Three more years of high school."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.