Comedian Or Jokester Pillows

"Are you sure you are going to clean my teeth with that?"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Men dancing

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Grandpa's been working out!!'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

'Tender and Juicy.'

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'

Gang of Musicians

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.