Cinematic Jokester Pillows

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'