Comedian Of Love Pillows

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'It had been one of those long, smouldering, passionate kisses that seem to last forever'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'The circle is complete!'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'Your French dip, sir.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Trump pardons

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

No-Work Orange

The Rooster Comedian.

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

A Guide to Balloon Animals