Comedian At Heart T-Shirts

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'You know what I'm looking forward to? -- hindsight.'

"Shark salting a man before it eats him."

"I know what you're going through, dear. I buried my husband last year -? but they found him in time."

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

Henry trained himself in the 'dramatic pause'.

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"Scaling walls is certainly a side effect, but it says nothing about ceilings."

'A little 'fade out' music, please.'

'Just came in. It's a repo.'

'Donny and I are taking a year off to volunteer for the Pizza Corps.'

'Walter, you're the only person I know who has to call tech support to open a lawn chair.'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

"Are you ready for your big test tomorrow?"

Thank You God

'Why, now, my refrigerator isn't running. Who is this?'

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

"I love portraiture but my true calling is aerial photography."

Dog learning to dribble without looking.

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"I'll have what he's having."

Price comparison site.

"Don't think of this as losing our lease, think of it as enjoying an open-space work environment."

"Hey hold on...I'm reading the small print!"

'Deranged Rover'

Child: 'If I've got five oranges, and you take away two, wouldn't that be stealing Miss?'

'Collagen injections? No, but Bob's handy with a stapler and a pair of sausages ..'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Introductory Police Training

'It's John on the 'phone, he's no sick-days left... so he's rung-in dead!'

'I'm rich, therefore I am.'

Toy plane with pilot eject.